Stanky Jadis
by Yelle Hughes
Summary: This is a one-shot requested by riseuprichonne on Tumblr. I thought I'd give it a go. Short scene from 7x16 The First Day of the Rest of Your Life. Rick and Michonne meet up with Jadis and her skanky clan in Alexandria. Jadis, the dirty hoe, propositions Rick. Here's their response. I do not own the characters of The Walking Dead. This is just for shits and giggles.


**STANKY JADIS**

"Michonne, do I have to?" Rick said before they walked up the street to meet with Oscara, the queen of filth and slime. The Heapsters actually rolled up into Alexandria on crappy bikes and smelly-ass garbage trucks. Did they have any access to water at all? Their smell even overwhelmed the stench of the dead.

His wife chuckled, "Rick, be nice. Don't forget, we need the body count." She reached down and took a firm grasp of his belt and pulled him closer. "I don't care for them either, but we gotta do what we gotta do," then gave a quick kiss to his cheek before meeting up with Jadis, Tamiel and Brion.

"Should I remind you to do the same?"

She laughed, "No. I'm not the one to go off on folks. That's your department. I'm the coolness to your hotness."

"Keep telling yourself that, babe."

When they came to a halt, the whiff of hot garbage, doo-doo and cat urine wafted past their noses. Rick and Michonne both did their best not to allow the look of utter disgust show on their faces.

Jadis peered around and nodded her head with approval, "What you fight for." The king and queen waited to see if the dirty bird would elaborate. Rick glanced at Michonne with one of their silent messages, _'We're gonna have to figure out what this bitch is talking about again.'_

He went with what made the most sense, "Not the place… the people," he gave a loving glance to his girl, "each other." Gesturing to the stank posse, "You're a part of that now."

Michonne thought, _'Yeah, as soon as y'all scrub your asses with bleach and Comet.'_ She berated herself that she needed to follow the advice she had just given to Rick. She rubbed her nose in the guise of trying wave away the invisible cloud of ginger farts that was currently assaulting her.

Jadis, of course, came back with their lame motto, "We take, we don't bother." Since the first time she told them that, Rick always wanted to ask, _'If you don't bother, why bother with the fucked-up haircuts? Why not let that shit grow out?'_ He would have asked if he truly cared, but they had more important thangs to discuss besides sewer haircuts.

Before they could get down to business and Rick could tell them where he wanted them to place themselves for Negan's upcoming visit, this rank hoe turned to Michonne and asked, "Yours?"

With a quick glance at each other wondering what the hell she was trying to say now, Michonne got the gist, "Yeah, he's mine. What of it?"

A nasty smirk hovered on Jadis' mouth, "I lay with after. You care?" Tamiel and creepy ass Brion, sniggered behind Jadis and it took all that Rick had in him not to pull his colt and put a bullet in the skulls of all three of 'em.

Rick threw up a little in his mouth before his body froze with a look of utter shock, _'What did this stank hoe say?'_ He immediately checked his wife's reaction, _'Oh, shit. This ain't good.'_

Michonne's eyes narrowed as she straightened her spine, shook out her shoulders and tilted her head from left to right. Before he could reach over and grab the hand on its way to pull out her blade, Michonne answered in her sweet voice underlined with the power of steel, "I don't know, nor do I care how you do things in your trash heap, but I'm gone tell you this and this will be the one time I tell you." She said as she stepped forward, the grip on the end of the katana's scabbard, tightened.

"If you ever…ever in your shitty, dirty, fucked-up life come to me about fucking my man, you won't have to _'bother'_ doing anything else. Cause you won't have a head to look, you won't have hands to pick things up and you definitely won't have feet to get where you need to go."

Rick backed up, embarrassed as hell. His dick started to itch just by thinking about what Jadis wanted to do with him. He tentatively reached out and lightly grasped her elbow, "Babe, don't worry about it. Let's just get back to work."

Michonne snatched her arm, "Nah, fuck that! This nasty worm is trying to fuck you." Turning her attention back to Jadis, "You want to "bother" gettin' cut, bitch?"

Jadis refused to answer or look at her.

With a huff of her breath and her chin held high, Michonne growled, "Yeah, that's what I thought." She turned her back on the GBK, grabbed Rick by his belt again and pulled him along with her.

"Now we can go."


End file.
